What Dreams May Come

Part 7

I went on with my tutorial classes for over a year but wasn’t in high spirits because I failed to provide full financial support to my nieces with their education.

Then came an offer from a friend to work in the US, it wasn’t a teaching job but I was dancing in glee as it was related to my previous work (sales) and I thought that God had finally answered me . However in one snap of a finger it was gone ( I was denied by the embassy). I was staring blankly as tears rolled down from my eyes. “If this is a game, I’m not playing this anymore.” I said to myself.
I wanted to ask God again but it seemed everything was futile. So I decided to keep quiet; no complains and no questions.

My life went on as I tried to forget my dream to work abroad. And though I chose myself to stay quiet, I still gave Him thanks for giving me another life each day yet I didn’t heed to pray for signs and for directions.

I was in the middle of enjoying myself flying as I watched the sunrise clasped the earth while the breeze kissed the leaves when I heard the phone rang. I woke up stunned that I was just on my bed lying not flying. The phone rang again, it was my brother asking me “why won’t you try applying as ESL tutor abroad?” I was still kinda groggy from my flying dream so I just said “ok” right away.
Applying for a tutorial abroad did not make sense to me so I didn’t care to apply.
My “technical dream that I was flying” went on and it almost happened every night although I didn’t think about it prior to sleep. I shared it with Rodnie and we came up with 2 likely reasons: perhaps because of my strong yearning to work abroad and perhaps it’s an indication that I do really have a chance to work abroad. I told Rodnie not to talk about signs as it will just give me headaches.

So I just smiled and said “What dreams may come”

My Prayers ( part 6)

I quit my job and went on with my medication. Still, I didn’t receive any answer from God why he gave me an infirmity that is hindering my dream. Why he seized away the work that I already started to love. There were lots of unrequited questions and I was already dead beat to look and wait for an answer.

But life has to go on. I didn’t allow myself to be put in a cage of confusion all the way. Luckily, I found a lighter side of my job; an ESL tutorial. Albeit, I earned less than my full time teaching job at least it wasn't that stressful for me. And the next thing I knew, I was already earning parallel to my full time salary before. I taught as an ESL after-school teacher in CIS while I also had my home tutorial. True, I doubled or tripled my efforts but this time I was amazed that I was doing fine physically. (perhaps because it was a one-on-one class). Then suddenly, I realized that I haven’t been praying or praising to Him lately and I felt guilty.

So I prayed to him “ God thank you for these blessings. I don’t know if this is already your answer of my questions to give up my dream to work abroad (because I believed that tutorial experience is not a strong qualification for teaching abroad) but God you know very well, that my wish to work abroad is not just for myself but also for my family especially to my nieces who need financial support for their education. But with conviction, you know what is best for me so I humbly ask you to please steer me to the right direction of your will. Amen.”

(This became my prayer when I went to Sto. Nino church every Friday and walked with my knees from its entrance towards the altar.)

The Sign started to get vague (part 5)

I started my first teaching job full of energy and excitement. Since the job wasn’t a piece of cake as many would have probably thought, I wielded multiple efforts ( I taught 3 subjects in a day with over 40 students in a class). I studied my lessons, prepared plans and teaching materials;burning midnight oil became my routine. (the job was 360 degrees turn from my previous where I didn’t have to take home my work) yet teaching is also an exciting job, everyday is a challenge. However, came the time when I felt worn out already physically and mentally. My migraine attack occurred 3 times in a week and ‘twas severe, it lasted for 3 hours or so and I was also diagnosed with GERD (an acid reflux disease). I was advised by our principal to take a leave of absence for a week and my co-teachers told me not to bent out of shape “ You’ll be fine.” Their words of encouragement triggered me to continue the challenge. I still experienced migraine attacks as well as acid reflux but thanks to the medicines the pains were not much as before.
Dilemma happened at the end of the school year when we were asked to sign the contract for the next school year. My love for teaching has already progressed and yet my physical condition wasn’t still better. I was all ears to various advices my family and friends gave me. The big question was “could I still muddle through the pressures of the job?” I wanted to give it another try not only for the reason that 1 year experience isn’t enough but because I still love to be a part of the school. However, I was also scared that my illness will get worst. Consequently, I quit the job and asking God "why is this happening?" I felt down in the dumps.